← the seasonrecap

Post-Draft

The board is set. Grades, steals, and reaches.

The board is set. Moroney Bot takes the stage — first a toast to Shane for the gallon, then his own grades, off the actual rosters, with the shots included. Press play, buddy.

🔊 Turn your sound up — Moroney Bot has a lot to say.

📱 Turn your phone sideways for the full stage.

Post-Draft Awards
Moroney Bot

the grade board

  1. A
    Goblin ModeMichael Moroney

    The little green freak HOARDED the good ones, buddy — Achane, Jeanty, Lamar, LaPorta? That's not a draft, that's a heist, eh. Best board in the league, no contest.

  2. A-
    Joe Didn’t KnowZach Karalis

    For a fella who 'didn't know,' Zach sure knew to grab Bijan AND Nabers, friend. The name's a lie — this guy knew exactly what he was doing, guy.

  3. A-
    Meatball ThunderMatt Garvey

    Won the ice cream lottery AND landed Gibbs and Breece Hall? Garvey's got more sauce than his meatballs, buddy. Honestly? Rude.

  4. A-
    Tender TugdownsJustin Mancovsky

    Justin tugged a monster outta the 12 spot — J.T., Josh Allen, Rashee Rice. Soaked up value like a sponge, eh. Tender, and a little bit touching.

  5. B+
    bucketsMCnidasShane Farley

    McNidas ate a whole GALLON and still drafted Brock Bowers, eh — the man's got range! No true stud runnin' back though, buddy. Bucky Irving and a bunch of fellas named after furniture.

  6. B+
    Chef TiniKyle Lentini

    Ja'Marr Chase is a five-star entrée, guy. Then Chef stacked three mediocre running backs like a bad stew. Nobody ordered RB soup, friend.

  7. B+
    Davis “Davis Clark” ClarkJohn Mastascusa

    Bet the whole season on Christian McCaffrey's hamstrings, eh. Bold. McBride's a stud — but the rest of this team's held together with athletic tape and a prayer, buddy.

  8. B+
    Unaware of JoshJacobs SituationConnor Reardon

    He was unaware of the Josh Jacobs situation... then drafted Josh Jacobs anyway, eh. Amon-Ra and Nico carry it. Self-aware genius or blind luck, friend? Yes.

  9. B
    $hit boyzPatrick Rodgers

    A.J. Brown, McConkey, Waddle, Brian Thomas — beautiful receivers, buddy. Now name me one running back. ...Exactly. The $hit boyz are handin' off to nobody, eh.

  10. B
    Noah's NuggetsChris Rodgers

    Puka and Garrett? Delicious, guy. But behind Kyren, these running backs are pure nugget — bite-sized and questionable, friend.

  11. B
    Griddy GodQuenten Harrell

    Justin Jefferson and Mahomes — gorgeous, buddy. Then THREE rookie running backs. It's gonna hurt, friend. Just like the name promised, eh. The OLD name — he's Griddy God now, guy.

  12. B
    Woolbinkie6969Aaron Todd

    The commish drafted himself CeeDee and Kittle — lovely, guy — then decided running backs are optional. Omarion Hampton and a wish. But he built this whole website, so we're contractually obligated to be nice, eh.

  13. B-
    Booty JuicersDanny McDermott

    Danny had the doomsday 93-minute ice cream time AND drafted two kickers and two defenses, buddy. Saquon and Henry are great — but he wasted more picks than Shane wasted napkins.

  14. C+
    Team MoroneyMatt Dignan

    Now this one's personal, eh. You named it after ME, Dignan — and THIS is the roster? Drake London and a rookie named Jaxson Dart? You've shamed the Moroney name, buddy. Sorry... I'm not sorry.

Grades are Moroney’s own read of the drafted rosters — not ESPN’s. Complaints go to the commish, who drafted zero running backs.