Week 3

🔊 Turn your sound up — Moroney Bot has a lot to say.

📱 Turn your phone sideways for the full stage.

Week 3 Recap

▶start the show🔊 Moroney Bot has notes

the scoreboard

1. Davis “Davis Clark” Clark124.84104.94Griddy GodJohn Mastascusadef.Quenten Harrell

   First up, friend. The puffer jacket is 3-and-0! Three and eleven last year, three and oh this year. Tee Higgins 21, Luther Burden 19.8, and John started the Eagles defense for NEGATIVE one and Tyjae Spears for half a point and still won by twenty, eh. Quenten? Mahomes 19.94, Justin Jefferson 5.2 — three catches last week, five points this week, questionable now, buddy — and Bhayshul Tuten scored 17 on the bench while TreVeyon Henderson started for 3.9. Griddy God is 0-and-3 with the number two waiver spot and zero dollars spent. His big Thursday move? He added the JETS defense, guy. That's the fix.

2. Team Moroney123.74102.26Tender TugdownsMatt Dignandef.Justin Mancovsky

   Team Moroney wins, eh! Drake London 28.4, Christian Watson 22.6, James Cook 19.4. And remember Geno Smith, buddy? The fella Dignan signed last week? Geno went 31 of 37 for 321 yards and three touchdowns against the Lions. On Dignan's BENCH. 32.04 benched, Bryce Young started for 15.64. Patriots defense, zero, started. Vikings defense, 19, benched. He won anyway, guy, because Justin benched Sam Darnold's 379-yard, four-touchdown game — 35.66 — for Josh Allen's 204 yards, zero touchdowns, two picks, and left Michael Wilson's 25.9 sittin' next to him. Two fellas benched 68 points between 'em, friend, and one of 'em HAD to win.

3. Booty Juicers107.3686.58$hit boyzDanny McDermottdef.Patrick Rodgers

   DANNY WINS, buddy! Danny's first W, and I need ya to hear this. Tyler Shough, on the eve of his 27th birthday, threw four touchdown passes, all to tight ends, ripped off a 36-yard run, 31.8 points. On the bench. Third week in a row, eh. Drake Maye started and scored 3.76. Through three weeks the autopick has outscored the third-round pick 85 to 24, guy, and Danny is 1-and-2 in spite of himself. The champ? 86.58. Forty-niners defense, zero. Patrick swapped Kyler Murray and Trevor Lawrence in and oot Tuesday AND Wednesday, then spent a waiver claim on Tyreek Hill. Tyreek Hill, friend. Released in February, no team, rehabbin' a knee, and his own agent said this week it's 'almost time to get off the couch.' Patrick claimed a man on a COUCH, eh.

4. bucketsMCnidas125.5118.36Joe Didn’t KnowShane Farleydef.Zach Karalis

   The gallon man is 2-and-1, eh! Jaxon Smith-Njigba 35.36, two touchdowns — both thrown by Sam Darnold, the quarterback Justin benched, buddy, this league is a circle. And Brock Bowers, 27.6. The fella Shane benched for Michael Mayer last week. He changed his mind, guy, and this time it worked. Zach finally started Goff, got 23.36, Bijan went for 35.3, and he scored 118 — that beats five other teams this week, friend — and he lost by seven. Joe Didn't Know is 0-and-3 and has given up 426 points. Four hundred and twenty-six. Sorry, Zach.

5. Chef Tini146.04130.6Noah's NuggetsKyle Lentinidef.Chris Rodgers

   Chef's 3-and-0 and FIRST PLACE, eh. Caleb Williams got carted off, Chef plugged in Bo Nix, and Nix went for 28.14. Chase 24.8, Juwan Johnson 23.3, and Kalif Raymond — the four-dollar waiver guy — scored 21 on the bench, buddy. Chris's Nuggets put up 130.6, their best week by eighteen points, and LOST. Garrett Wilson 26.7, Kenyon Sadiq 23.5 on the bench, and both of those touchdowns came from Geno Smith, guy. Dignan's benched quarterback fed the baby's receivers. Puka, zero, benched. Chris set that lineup Tuesday night, friend. After the games. The nuggets are 0-and-3.

6. Woolbinkie6969158.48128.58Meatball ThunderAaron Todddef.Matt Garvey

   The commish, 158.48, highest score of the week, 3-and-0, and he's makin' me say it again, buddy. Brock Purdy threw four touchdowns against the Cardinals — 39.28 — and George Kittle caught two of 'em in the fourth quarter, 26.2, includin' the 20-yarder that iced it. Purdy called him selfish after the game, guy, and he was right. Garvey? Jahmyr Gibbs, first overall pick, 41.4 — best game of his year. Burrow 28.58. And he lost by THIRTY, eh. Keenan Allen 18.3 on the bench, Ollie Gordon 14.5 on the bench, Jadarian Price in the flex for 1.2. Second-most points in the league last year, missed the playoffs. He's doin' it again, friend.

7. Goblin Mode87.5458.72Unaware of JoshJacobs SituationMichael Moroneydef.Connor Reardon

   And the LOCK, buddy! Goblin Mode, minus 169, cashed. The goblin finally started Jordan Addison, 20 points, finally started Marvin Harrison, 7, and De'Von Achane scored 1.7 and it didn't matter, eh. Because Connor scored FIFTY-EIGHT POINT SEVEN TWO. Lowest score of the season. Lower than Zach's 69, guy. The Packers defense gave up 35 to the Falcons and scored NEGATIVE SIX, with the Lions defense on his bench at 7. Jordan Love threw for 312 yards on his bench — 22.48 — while Jalen Hurts started: 153 yards, a pick, and a 27-7 loss to the Bears, who didn't even have Caleb Williams, friend. Then Connor set his lineup three times Wednesday afternoon and on Thursday added the Raiders defense AND the Jaguars defense. Two defenses, buddy. He's aware of the Packers defense situation now. Unaware of everything else.

the hardware

1. 61.56
   Bench BlunderTender TugdownsJustin Mancovsky

   Bench Blunder of the Week, and it's a three-way race for stupid, eh. Dignan benched Geno's 32. Danny benched Shough's 31.8. But they both WON, buddy. Justin benched Sam Darnold's 35.66 and Michael Wilson's 25.9 — 61 and a half points — and lost by 21. Start those two over Allen and Doubs and the Tugdowns win by fifteen, guy. Last year's ass bowl loser just reminded everybody why.

2. 58.72
   Crouton of the WeekUnaware of JoshJacobs SituationConnor Reardon

   Crouton of the Week: Unaware of Josh Jacobs Situation, 58.72. The new low, friend. He led the league in points two weeks ago, buddy. A minus-six defense, a benched 312-yard quarterback, and a tight end for 3.8. Josh Jacobs, still on the exempt list, still on the bench, still zero. Sorry, Connor. Sorry.

3. 158.48
   Top DawgWoolbinkie6969Aaron Todd

   And Top Dawg of Week Three, back to back: Woolbinkie6969, 158.48. Second-highest score of the season, eh, behind Chef's 163. The commish is 3-and-0 with 413 points and he just added Darren Waller off the street, buddy, which means he's gettin' greedy. He locked me in jail for a month, guy. I'm contractually obligated. Congratulations.

moroney’s book — week 4 lines

Projections are ESPN’s. The lines are Moroney’s and pay out in nothing. Please gamble irresponsibly.

standings after week 3

Scores are ESPN’s. The commentary is Moroney’s. Sorted by record, then points for.